3 REASONS WHY ASKING FOR HELP IS SO HARD TO DO
How many of us face challenges and problems, yet cringe in avoidance at the thought of asking for help? Asking for help means that we have to admit that we don’t have all of the answers, and place faith in the unknown. Let’s all take a deep breath for a moment, as we consider all of the times that we didn’t ask for help because we were afraid of being exposed and unprotected. At the root, we may discover that asking for help is hard for us to do because we minimize our problems, fear feelings of embarrassment and shame, and are not ready to face our vulnerability. Below, I explore why asking for help can be so difficult.
1. We minimize, minimize, and then minimize some more
At times we make mountains out of molehills, but other times we may avoid asking for help because we make molehills out of mountains. In other words, we minimize, minimize and then minimize some more. We may do this, rather than seek assistance for our problems, to avoid any thoughts and emotions that create discomfort or dissonance. Also, minimizing makes our difficulties seem conquerable and surmountable, whereas asking for help requires us to relinquish the sense of control we have over our challenges. However, once we see the mountains in our lives for what they truly are, the better equipped we become at scaling and conquering their peaks.
2. We fear feelings of embarrassment and shame
Many of us live in a culture where we are told, directly and indirectly, that we have to do things on our own. Nothing is handed out or down, and we have to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps if we falter. We are also never allowed to let others see us sweat, we can’t cry in public past the age of five, and are criticized for our faults and mistakes. It’s no wonder that asking for help can induce deep feelings of shame and embarrassment, making us feel as if we have failed at life in some way or another. Yet, if we remove our conditioning, we may realize that asking for help gives us the opportunity to recognize the humanity within ourselves and others, and overcome negative thoughts and beliefs that make us feel less than human.
3. We’re not ready to face our vulnerability
Many of us view asking for help as show of weakness that gives others the ammunition to hurt, criticize or attack us. Or, we feel that our strength rests in the ability to do things on our own, and in our own way, even when the burden of that strength can be difficult to carry alone. Yet, when we avoid asking for help in efforts to appear invulnerable, we also act against our own interest, and possibly deny ourselves opportunities for much needed aid, healing, and restoration.
If this sounds like you, and you are ready to ask for help for an area of concern in your life, please contact me at info@jerrilynblack.com.
With thanks,
Jerrilyn Black